Archive for the ‘random entries’ Category

As expected, my wife and I have come to a point that most parents may go through :  choosing a big school.  our eldest son Jolo, is currently enrolled in a preparatory school.  The school currently only offer nursery to Kinder2.  So we’re looking into several big schools that he can or may possibly attend.  if you ask me I want him (and Lucas) to go to a school where he can be molded with a strong faith in God, grow with Good Morals and as some may say as cultured as a gentleman. embed in them the value of Work with Prayer. But I also want them to grow knowing that they are living in this world not just for themselves but for others as well.

i pray that they get into a school that will get them prepared for the real world. a school that will give them that edge.  So far we have a top 3 school in our list. we pray that Jolo gets in to one of them.

updates? well nothing much, except catching up with some friends over lunch or dinner, brushing up on my Photoshop skills if there were any 🙂 by the way Big thanks to uncle T for my new machine with Intel 2nd Gen i5 🙂

 

anyway my therapy is still ongoing, last time i was able to stack 13 cones out of 15 un-assisted, big thanks to my very patient therapists. i think i also drive better with lesser engine stall (manual tranny folks!) 🙂 my wife also noticed that i walk better now. oh and its quite funny how some of my friends get surprised when i order beer or alcoholic drink. they give me those wide- eye expressions. 🙂 Don’t worry, i don’t “drink ’til I’m blind” kind of way”. :p

Anyway, ’til my next post! Cheers!

i take 12tabs of these each day.  anyone out there who knows where i can source these at a cheaper price? please PM/DM me. thank you.

Just this weekend, we took Jolo to Shoemart, Makati to buy new school shoes.  He’s complaining that his old pair is already uncomfortable. “sikip na po ang shoes.” and since i also needed a new pair of sandals to fit in my orthoses, we went to the mall.  the men’s shoe dept.  was at the 2nd floor, Niña was suggesting i get off at Ace and take the elevator going to the second floor, meet them there so that it’ll be easier for me.  When we got their I said  I think i can manage the escalators inside the department store.  my occupational therapist has taught me a lot of pointers when riding the escalator and have even practiced with the escalators inside the hospital.  So with Ling,  my sister in law, she accompanied me going to the second floor. My heart pounding like the dragon dance drums, strong (right) leg first, strong (right) leg first! i kept reminding myself. (i am a “left leg first” person, blame CAT & ROTC training for that)  When we reached the second floor, I was so relieved. whew!! It was my first time to do it outside the hospital.  After that Ling and I had an “i-thought-you-knew-her” moment.  A woman, maybe in her mid-40’s came up to me and said with a big smile: “I’m so happy for you.  I’m so glad that you are walking!” she also said that she has a relative who’s 39 years old,  a stroke victim (mayba she thought that I was one as well), who chose to be bed ridden and would refuse to walk. Because of the adrenalin, all i can mutter was a “thank you po.” Never had a chance to ask her name, like she was in a hurry.  I looked at ling and told her: “Akala ko kilala mo?” Ling: akala ko nga friend mo e.”  After that i just thought, maybe another angel? If only i could talk to her relative…

anyway, back to conquering that escalator, i did it twice on that same day.  i felt so alive!  🙂  “ang babaw”,  you might say, but it just so mean so much to be able to do  these  things again after a long time thinking if i got to do it again, i can be back to normal again if i want to and i believe I’m getting there.  🙂

on my to do list when i get back to a 100%

  • drive the car again (to Baguio and back)
  • wash the car again
  • teach my kids how to swim
  • teach my kids to ride a bike
  • get my wife to run with me again.

Ü

“A Christian should be an Alleluia from head to foot.”
Saint Augustine

Thank You!!

Posted: December 31, 2011 in random entries, what's up? :) or down :(

Lord, thank you for giving me this year. It’s not what i expected but I think it made me a better person. Better in way that I value life more and that it is indeed too short. I have a new found respect for cancer patients who, like me , whatever our reasons may be, keeps on fighting this disease to stay alive for ourselves and for our loved ones. Thank you for giving me cancer as I believe it has renewed my faith and trust in you. It has made me and my family closer to you. It has made me and my family stronger as a whole. It brought me and my friends together to fight as one. And because of that me and my family felt that we were not alone in this battle, and realized that there are true angels among us, we just don’t notice it but they are everywhere–family, friends, work mates, co-parents, even strangers. It’s been a year of blessings if I may say so. Call me crazy but it really think this was a year of blessings. I pray that 2012 will be of more graces from You. That no one will undergo what we’ve been through. It’s been a tough 2011, but what the heck! I’ll take it any time!! Again thank you LORD!! Happy New Year!!!

20111231-173744.jpg

para kay niña

Posted: October 27, 2011 in random entries

ikaw at ako

Ikaw at ako, pinagtagpo
Nag-usap ang ating puso
Nagkasundong magsama habangbuhay.

Nagsumpaan sa Maykapal
Walang iwanan, tag-init o tag-ulan
Haharapin bawat unos na mag-daan.

Sana’y di magmaliw ang pagtingin
Kaydaling sabihin , kayhirap gawin
Sa mundong walang katiyakan
Sabay natin gawing kahapon ang bukas.

Ikaw at ako, pinag-isa
Tayong dalwa may kanya kanya
Sa isa’t-isa tayo ay sumasandal

Bawat hangad kayang abutin
Sa pangamba’y di paaalipin
Basta’t ikaw, ako
Tayo magpakailanman.

Kung minsan ay di ko nababanggit
Pag-ibig ko’y di masukat
Ng anumang lambing
At kung magkamali akong ika’y saktan
Puso mo ba’y handang magpatawad

Di ko alam ang gagawin kung mawala ka
Buhay ko’y may kahulugan
tuwing ako’y iyong hagkan
Umabot man sating huling hantungan
Kapit-puso kitang hahayaan
Ngayon at kailanman
Ikaw at ako.

-titik at musika ni johnoy danao

so we had lunch today at a pizza joint with some of my friends just at the back of our office building. since i have a hard time walking on un-even pavement. my friend jomar served as my “human walking stick” (no pun joms 🙂 )we got to the joint in one piece,albeit slow. we waited for a table since the place was packed. after some waiting we got settled, enjoyed our lunch and as usual a hearty dose of laughs that if you were one of one of us in that circle an missed it. you’ll surely be the topic of conversation.

PERSON WITH DISABILITY

PERSON WITH DISABILITY LOGO/SYMBOL

as we are about to leave i had to prop myself properly so that my right leg will support my weight as i stand up. yes, my left leg is still not 100% but its getting there. 🙂 as i stand up i notice a table of maybe 6 or 7 people, STARING at me like i’m some kind of freak show. from the moment i stood up, up until the moment we passed by their freakin’ table i can see that they were staring at me. and i’m like what the hell? insensitive fools. maybe they weren’t breast-fed or something.  is it the first time you saw someone like me? you like my limp? i am not dingdong dantes! hell no dumb ass! i wanted to get back at them and ask what their problem was. or maybe they were so dumb witted they may want to gamble like “i say 300 bucks that guy got stroke.” “nahh i bet 500 bucks he’s got cancer look at his hair!” and so on.

i really really wanted to get back at them but a voice inside my head says, maybe my tumour speaking, “no! they are not worth it. don’t ruin your wonderful afternoon”. one of the things i was taught was that it’s impolite to stare, whoever you’re staring at. respect whoever, whatever his/her personality might be, status in life and stuff.

back then and much even now, when i see someone in a wheel chair, walking with an assistive device or whatever, one look is enough and that’s what i call respect. enough to know that “maybe that guy has something that is none of my business”.

if you saw my picture on the papers why not approach me and ask, “are you the gray matters guy?” was that so hard? again be sensitive! , R E S P E C T, WE ARE NOT A FREAK SHOW!!

untitled

Posted: September 13, 2011 in brain cancer awareness, random entries

someone once asked me “how am i doing?”  for someone who doesn’t have cancer you just take whatever the response is, but you don’t really get how it really is.  i used to be that person, outside looking in. now its the opposite, when i heard that question, all i can utter was, “difficult”. difficult in many ways physical, mental, emotional, financial and so on.

physical there would be days when you just dont want to get up, your body tells you to slow down but i wont. because i want to play with my kids as long as i can til i am here, because nobody knows. i still get up to go to work, because there are bills medicines, treatments and debts to pay. i still get up because i want my wife and my family to know that i appreciate them even when i don’t look like it, even when at times i feel i’m a heavy burden. i can’t help but think sometimes. i still get up because i dont want to give up, its not an option! its been a long fight, not sure where i am exactly but i pray that i am getting there.

mental, there would be times that i get scared, scared that i might not wake up the next day, talk to my kids or kiss my wife, my life feels and is, in fast forward. you don’t see it in me but i am. you only see the smiles and the laughter that i can muster but deep within i’m scared as a child.  scared that i might not be there when my kids grow up, get married, have children.  i just thank God every single morning that i wake up and feel the air fill my lungs.

emotional,  i never tear up after communion, i never used to cry when i pray, i guess when you’re praying for extension….   there would be times that i cry for no reason when i am just watching my kids play together. fight over a toy they both like, watch them sleep.  when they give me a hug  and a kiss for no reason.

financial, cancer in whatever form is a rich man’s disease. it will really drain you dry. sometimes i just notice myself staring blankly and ask…why me?

jolo: daddy are you still sick?

me: (can i say no?)

picture picture!

Posted: August 10, 2011 in random entries, Uncategorized

AKO

kulitJOLO  SKYLINELUCAS                KAMI

(C) 2011 JASON BUERA

updates? update?

Posted: August 8, 2011 in random entries, Uncategorized

nothing really much to tell but for those waiting for updates, here we go  :D, I just had CBC (w/ Sodium and Potassium check) included  last Saturday the results were OK for my doctor to let me proceed with this month’s oral chemo cycle starting today til Friday. thank you to PCSO for this cycles’ meds supply, sana mas madami pa ang makinabang/matulungan mo.  i am back to work for a full month now and it feels like therapy. speaking of therapy, i am still continuing my physical and occupational therapy.  very tiring but i am happy after every session. 😀 my appetite is still ok, much better if you serve me sisig from razon’s or crispy dinuguan and laing from kanin club or halo halo noodles from le Ching!! 😀 I avoid sweets.  my tolerance for sweets kind of dwindled down a bit.  my bell’s palsy is almost gone, can’t even tell now that I had it. thank you LORD!!!

btw for those inquiring about GMP,we’re working on the gray project matters II. please wait for further announcements 🙂

more prayers and good vibes please!!